Not Fast Enough
by ShhSleepy
Summary: He needs to be better, stronger, faster... After all he was supposed to be the fastest boy in the world. But when his world needs him most, he can't even catch up to himself. And what is he good for if he can't keep his feet on the ground? (Robin and Kidflash friendship. Character death. T to be safe.) ENJOY


**Hey Everyone.**

** I haven't written a story in a very very long time. And Never have I written a Young Justice Story. =) I've dealt with a minor Batman story but this is my first time in this section so I hope I do well. =) **

**I read a ton ton TON of Robin and KF angsty stories. I just want to let you know- I did my best to make this one a little different. But I will let you all be the judges. I only hope you all enjoy it! It's the best feeling in the world getting reviews! (Especially since I should be studying for some college exams right now and NOT typing a fanfiction. hahaha) But anyways- I hope you all like it!**

**I do not own the characters but wouldn't that be swell if I did?**

**READ, REVIEW, ENJOY!**

* * *

When was the last time I had gone for a run? Not a run for my life or a run from danger, but truly left the mountain for the specific reason of running? Of being alive. That was what running was for me. I would never admit it out loud. I knew if it sounded dumb in my head it would sound like garbage in the open. But running, for me at least… it was being alive. There was nothing more freeing than traveling right in front of people's eyes, wind pushing back my hair. Traveling so fast that heads turned and asked _"what was that?"_ It was freedom. It was who I was.

_Am…_

No. Was.

So when _was_ the last time I had been free? When was the last time I had stopped looking at the big picture and just focused on myself? I couldn't even remember. The fact that I couldn't remember sent chills up my spine. That was another thing I would never admit to. I was the Kid Flash. I didn't get chills. I was energetic and cocky and faster than any guy who crossed my path. Well, nearly every guy. All the normal ones for that matter. I didn't need to feel chills. I would outrun any problems that came my way. The chills would never catch me long enough for me to feel them.

But it seemed recently, life was too fast for even me. I felt trapped in my own loop, being lapped time and time again by my own existence. Now that sounded even worse than the whole freedom thing. I don't know where my mind was going with that one. But that was how I felt. Even if my words didn't paint the exact picture I felt. And how could that be? That of all the terrors in the world, it was my own life that was quicker than me? And I just couldn't catch up. In the end, I was outrunning myself.

I never went running anymore, because I didn't have a hope in the world left that would make me catch up.

"KF! Snap out of it and cover!"

A rain of bullets pelted the ground in front of my feet, blowing up puffs of powdered snow between me and my best friend. Where was I? Where was I when Robin- no, my whole team, was on the battle ground? I was just jogging along, getting left behind again.

"_Dammit…" Wally's back hit the ground, lights in his eyes reminding him of how very hard this part of the world was, looking up from it where he could no longer use his feet, his only weapon. His only salvation. _

_A hand reached towards him and he followed it up to the connected crooked grin on that pasty face. "You're fast." The midget chimed._

_Wally grasped Dick's hand, accepting a hand up from his masked pal. "Not fast enough."_

_Dick shrugged. "Don't be so hard on yourself. You didn't actually expect to beat me, did you?"_

_Wally grinned lightly, elbowing the dark haired boy playfully. "One of these days I'm gonna make you eat your words." _

_Dick grinned again at this. He rubbed his knuckles, sore to match the exact spot on Wally's chest that had ended their brawl. Behind them, the team watched in mild amusement. "Looks like you eat them yourself." Dick laughed._

_Wally didn't laugh. He was the fastest boy alive. But Robin was faster._

"You still with us, Kid Flash?" Artemis' voice was in my head loud and clear, a hint of annoyance there. I could not see her. Robin, myself, and Superboy had been separated from the others long before the fighting had even started. Miss Martian's link was my only way of knowing they were safe. So things were not exactly going as planned. That was no big deal. The others didn't seem concerned and so I kept my complaints to myself. Me and Superboy had gotten Robin to the main computer and that was all that mattered. So the entire island knew we were intruding. So the barrels of a hundred guns were aimed in our direction. If that was reason to be concerned, I didn't know what was.

Sweat dripped down my brow and I wiped it away. I _was_ concerned. I was very concerned. I never liked when things strayed from the plan. I knew it was something that was entirely in my head. After all- how many times did Batman tell us as long as the mission was complete… well I don't really remember the rest. But we had a tendency of straying from our path on more than one occasion. I should have been used to it, but every single time my bones shook.

Robin had a game plan. Aqua Lad had a game plan. It was terrifying being on the outside and without a game plan, trying to follow along. I felt like I was moving top speed on a bridge I couldn't see the end of. It could drop me off anywhere and I would have absolutely no time to slow down in time before I hit the ground.

"Still with _you_, sugar." I managed with a light laugh. It was forced, but I was a good actor. "Robin, how are you doing on your… whatever it is you're doing?" I asked, only half positive about what this mission was even about. We had been told all about it already in explicit details. But all I was absolutely sure of was that it was my job to cover while Robin worked his magic with the tech side of the mission. As soon as I started delving into the why I lost my focus.

"I'm nearly done. All I need to do is hack into the mainframe and reroute the circuit breaker. From there it should be no problem to bypass the double security wall and…"

"Sorry I asked." I interrupted stubbornly with a roll of my eyes. If Robin hears me he doesn't respond, I could see him a ways away, clicking away at his keyboard the way he knew so well. He was on a mission. Where I should have been. But where was I?

"We are all secure in the east wing." Aqua Lad's voice echoed in my head. "We are on our way now."

"I'll be done by the time you get here." Came Robin's certainty. "Think you guys can handle a couple more minutes?"

"Um, already handling it." I reply sarcastically, my eyes landing on a guns man as he slid a finger against the trigger of his pistol. I sprang on top of him before he could get a shot off, taking off to the next one before the man had time to even hit the ground. Across the snow coated field, Superboy was doing his fair share and probably most of mine as well.

_Faster. _I told myself. _Move faster._

"_Faster, Kid Flash. You need to be faster."_

"_I know." Wally hissed between labored breathe. He worked his legs as hard as they would go, watching the screen in front of him play off his mentor's most reasonable speeds. It was a virtual race against the best, and he was losing painfully. He watched the numbers lap him time and time again even as his heart raced to pick up the slack._

"_At this rate you'll be left behind for sure."_

"_I'm trying." He panted under his breath, the machine under him whirring with the pitter patter of his feet. _

"_Try harder. I know this isn't all you have."_

_Wally squeezed his eyes shut, legs lost in a blur as he willed himself to be stronger, willed himself to be better. But still that screen before him was loud enough. It was clear enough to see. He was far too out of reach now. His toe came up short. It only took a millisecond of a misstep to send him hurtling off the machine and onto the floor, skidding and rolling to a halt against the far wall where he laid still._

_He always ended up on the ground._

"_Come on, now. Let's try again."_

"_No."_

"_No?"_

"_I can't." Wally argued, irritation and failure evident in his voice. "I'm done."_

"_I'll have none of that. I know you can do better."_

"_I know I can. But I don't have to! When I'm in battle is when it matters most, right? This training doesn't even make any sense! I can't run my best unless I have a reason to. This is just a waste of time." Wally didn't even believe his own words. He was being stubborn, he knew. But he was so tired of pushing without results. It was exhausting._

"_If you can't use it in training, what makes you think in battle you can pull through?"_

"Done!" Robin announced, standing from his computer and detaching the wires he needed. They snapped back into place on his belt and he grinned in accomplishment. "Aqua Lad, we're coming to meet you guys. Superboy, KF, let's move."

I did a quick circle of the perimeter, taking down whatever gunmen I could find before returning to Robin's side, jogging along ahead of him and Superboy as they sprinted from the field towards the main building. For once, I was glad not to be running at my top speed. The ice under my feet had been causing problems all night long. Even so, my excitement to reach the main building had nothing to do with the ice of winter underfoot of even the bitter cold ripping through my suit.

The rest of the team would be waiting. I could hardly wait to be back with them and on the right course. It was only a matter of time before things were right and we could fall back onto our original plan. It was a shame things had gotten so messy so fast. But all six of us together would make things simpler. As it was, it was pretty simple. Thinking about it, we had gotten in, gotten separated, and now we were getting out just like that. And we had done it without a perfect training session the day before.

For the first time on this whole mission, I felt like we were home free.

Free. When was the last time I had been free?

"_You alright, buddy?"_

_Wally looked up when his friend walked in, pushing those sunglasses higher up on his nose. Heaven forbid someone saw his eyes._

"_Why don't you take those things off, man? What's the point?"_

"_Batman's orders, bro. You know that."_

_Wally nodded. He understood, not entirely but he understood. Robin would always remain loyal to the Batman's orders. That was the way it would always be with heroes and sidekicks. So what did that make him? He couldn't even peel himself off the ground long enough to train, much less tune his ears in to listen to what his mentor had to say. He let out a sigh, settling onto the stool he had set up in the kitchen and taking a bite out of the triple decker sandwich before him. The insides slid out between the bread and plopped onto his plate. Wally hardly noticed, staring down into his lap. "I'm a mess."_

"_No. But you are bad at making sandwiches. I thought with so much practice you'd be able to do at least that right."_

_Wally scowled. He wasn't in the mood for Dick's jokes right then. But he knew his friend was only trying to cheer him up. "Not now, Dick."_

_He watched his pal go around the counter, standing across from him with a brow furrowed with concern. "What's going on with you? You're never like this."_

_Wally shrugged. "Nah. It's nothing."_

"_Wally, I'm your best pal. I'm a master at dealing with nothing."_

_Wally sighed again, shaking his head and taking another bite of his hollow sandwich. "I'm gonna say something really stupid. Like probably the stupidest thing you've ever heard me say, and I want you to be completely honest with me." He raised his eyebrows at the short boy before him who gave a careless shrug. _

"_Shoot."_

"_Dick, what if I'm not cut out for this whole superhero thing?"_

"KF! Look out!"

I was rattled by that familiar scream and the unmistakable blast of a gun, feeling something fast and solid barrel into me at top speed. My body jerked forwards, tumbling down into the snow and ice before me. I was dead. I knew I was. That was it, but I felt fine. There was no pain, besides the dull throb of my head where it had hit the frozen earth. But I was fine.

Robin rolled from where he had landed next to me, shaking his head dizzily. "Keep your head up!" He shouted at me, panic in his cracking voice. It had been a close call. I needed to wake up and get back into this, if I had been in it at all in the first place.

"Thanks." I mumble. It would have been my life had Robin not been watching it for me. And as he watched me, I watched Superboy turn and take off towards the guns man. He cleared a path for us to follow calling for us to keep moving. "Let's go." I whisper, more to myself than to Robin. There would be time for apologies later. Right then, we needed to get to safety.

We stood quickly but not before his hand flew to his side and he let out a pained hiss of breath, legs crumbling back under him as his body arched over in obvious agony. I grasped onto him so he would not fall, feeling his dead weight on my arms. And feeling an even heavier pit in my gut.

"Robin?"

"KF..." He mumbled, he took his hand away from his side, glancing down at the bullet hole there in his abdomen where his own blood was beginning to blossom.

"_Wow, you're right. That was the stupidest thing I've ever heard." The raven haired boy turned and walked to the fridge, digging around for a moment before he pulled out a bottle of water. He twisted off the cap and took a big gulp even as Wally continued._

"_Man, I'm being serious."_

"_I am too." Dick reached and took off his shades, pinning him with a glare from those dark blue eyes. His mouth turned from his evil little joking grin to a thin line. It was something Wally had seen frequently on the Batman's face. It seemed the master was rubbing off on the apprentice in more ways than just one. "Dude, you're part of the team. We are a team. Without you we're just an 'aster.'"_

"_Light on the 'dis.'"_

"_No. _Heavy _on the 'dis.'" Dick corrected with that smile. He turned his back and went back into the fridge, pulling out another bottle of water and tossing it. Wally only just barely managed to catch it. _

"_I'm not thirsty." He said with a shrug._

"_You will be. Come on, I'll get the football."_

"_What for?"_

_Dick smiled even brighter and put his sunglasses back on, sliding them all the way up his nose to mask himself once more. "Training." _

_Wally grinned back. "Thanks, man."_

"_What are best buds for?" _

"No…" My eyes widen in terror, panic ripping through me like it never had before. Shot. Robin had been shot! My thoughts came back to me all at once. My mind working half time to over time in a moment. "Robin!"

"Kid Flash! You guys alright, down there?"

It was Artemis' voice. It was my friends. But I couldn't reply. I couldn't say a word in response as I helped the tiny boy down to the ground, unable to support myself anymore, much less my best friend. It was funny. He was half my size and supported me on every occasion. But I couldn't wipe the snot from my own nose much less hold the weight of both our worlds.

My throat was dried and plastered against itself. My tongue swollen in my mouth. I was having trouble breathing, the same as my friend before me but for different reasons. I laid him down flat in the snow, pressing both of my hands against the wounded bird.

"We need… I need…" I tried as hard as I could to swallow the lump in my throat but it was not going to budge. I was at a complete loss as my hands drowned in my friend's blood. "It's Robin. He's hurt. I need…"

_To be stronger._

I tried to ignore that voice in my head but it was so terribly loud. I need to be stronger. That was really it. I didn't need help. I didn't need console. I needed to be better.

I needed to stop the blood flow.

I could hear the panic in my head of the team scrambling for something to do. The fear and the anguish there for our fallen comrade. It seemed not even Kaldor had a game plan set for this one. Even so, none of their voices mattered. All that mattered was the stillness of the boy before me.

Robin was completely silent as I pressed harder against his stomach, trying to hold him together until help arrived. I knew it must have hurt. The wound was bad, the hole was as wide around as my thumb but it felt as if I was sticking gum in a river to stop a flood. I couldn't stop my best friend's life from seeping out over my hands and slipping away through the cracks.

And his eyes were all but cracks behind the mask, squinting up at the sky as his lips began to pale.

"Rob, hey Rob. Stay with me, man. We're getting help right now." Gods. I sounded cliché even to myself. It was another one of those moments I should have kept the words in my head, but like Robin's blood, it kept spilling out. It was all I had to say, though. Any other train of thought had been shut down the moment I had seen him fall.

"Wally…" he whispered through blood bubbles, a droplet of red sliding out of the corner of his mouth. I wiped it away with the pad of my glove, but I was covered in crimson, matching the color of his thin shirt. I was covered and only managed to smear the red along his jawline. For some odd reason, this setback made me panic even more and my heart began to shudder in my ears. Surely it would burst right out of my chest. As it was, it was fighting hard with my rib cage to get out. "It seems… we have a m...minor setback." His chest heaved against me, desperate for air and I held tight to his body, afraid of I released he would just fly away from me.

"Shh… we're fine, Rob. We're gonna be fine. Look at me, Rob."

"Wally…" He whispered again. I couldn't quite hear his words. I leaned closer to his lips, until I could feel his labored breath on my ear. Only then could I make out the single syllable. "R…Run."

I wasn't sure why he said it. It didn't make sense to me. There was nothing left to run from. We were sitting in the middle of a nearly leveled battleground. Superboy was taking care of the rest. The team was just ahead. The fighting was pretty much over. There was nothing to fear. Nothing to run from. But then maybe he was not telling me to run away. Maybe he was telling me to continue forwards. To not stop. To catch up to myself.

Or even that, maybe I was over thinking it. He was losing so much blood. He was probably just rambling. There was no telling what was going on. I was never too keen on details. As soon as I tried to take in details I lost my focus.

All I could focus on in that moment was the pink puddle mingling with the snow, the crimson red lake that I knelt in the middle of. Here I was, on my own island. Kneeling pitifully in the ocean of Robin's blood. _Our_ blood. And when I looked, I was alone. Not a soul dared to cross the sea and meet me. I would stay in the tide and drown like I deserved. I would drown and give every lost breathe to Dick.

He did not receive my message I knew, for he breathed once, twice, and then his back arched up in pain. He clawed for breath for a moment, mouth opening and closing as he tried to form words. And I sat with him and prayed out loud for him to hang on with everything he had. With everything I had.

My world was moving much too fast that I barely noticed when his went still.

His heart lost the race, pausing in his chest. His breathing slowed to a jog, a crawl, and then vanished all together, the last of it rising off to dissipate into the night sky. The last breathe lost forever in space. Over our heads, I had barely noticed it had started to snow, barely noticed until the flecks of white caught in Robin's raven black hair and he made no motion to brush it out. Until the puddle of crimson sank deeper into the ice to stain the scene of murder on the battle ground. And right there in the snow my heart screamed.

It screamed until my throat was sore. It screamed until even the wind didn't dare whistle against me. My friend. My best friend. Had stopped. I had run. I had run so terribly fast. I had moved so awfully quick. But I was not quick enough. No matter how fast I was- Robin was faster. He was always faster as funny as it seemed. I was a quickster and this normal human kid was the one leading the pack. I had tried so hard to keep up to him. I really had. But it seemed that the only way I could hope to catch up was if he stopped and waited.

"Don't wait up for me, Dick. Gods, don't wait up. I can catch up on my own."

It sounds awful outloud. It always sounds awful out loud, but my mind was not moving quick enough to stop the words from escaping me. Robin was lost, lost underneath my very own hands.

And it was all for nothing.

All for me.

All for nothing.

I pressed my face into his chest, red hair mixing with red blood on a red costume. This little something lost all for nothing.

I reached and raised his mask just enough so that I could see those two blue eyes. No longer was there a brightness in them. The smile behind them was gone, blank fear frozen across his face like the frozen ice we set on. I reached and took off my glove, stained with my best friend's blood, and closed those eyes. I didn't want them to see what he had left behind. I didn't want him to have to look up at me and know it should have been mine and not his life snuffed out that night.

But still, closing those eyes didn't change a thing. The snow on my face was so cold. So cold… like Robin.

I was the fastest boy alive. It was what I did. I ran and ran and as long as I kept my feet underneath me, that was all I could hope to do. But life, my entire world, was lapping me. It passed me every single day, waving to me as it disappeared far ahead. And I couldn't hope to catch up.

I was fast.

But I was never fast enough.

* * *

**So a little bit short. =) Even so, I hope you all liked it. If you did- I suggest **_UNSAVEABLE_** (a Tim Drake Robin story). If not- have a cookie for trying. =) Please leave reviews. I'm open for commentary of what you liked and what you didn't like but hopefully what you liked!**

**Much love and happy holidays.**

**-ShhSleepy**


End file.
